I got ramblin’ on my mind…

It’s Sunday, 9:14. I am awake since about 7:00, and I still don’t quite know what I am going to make out of this day. Or the following day for that matter, since it’s a holiday. Been browsing the web randomly like a zombie for two hours, sounds more than enough. I want to work on a parser for the process property text config file format which I have described earlier, but at the same time I feel too tired to do it right. So I am going to brew some weird mixture of tea and chocolate in an attempt to awaken myself a bit, and in meantime I guess I will tell you some random stuff about myself.

Location in space-time

So, I’m 21 right now. I’ve been for a few months, even. This means that in most countries of this world, I am now considered mature enough to buy alcohol and porn, vote, and have crazy sex with my girlfriend without the implicit permission of my parents, which is pretty nice. It also means that I am supposed to increasingly deal with the administrative and housekeeping crap instead of cowardly leaving most of it to my parents, which is less nice. But overall, I didn’t see what the big deal was when I turned 18, and I still don’t see it now. As far as I’m concerned, big changes in one’s live (like, getting your own flat and your first real job, moving in with someone, making babies, trying to give them the best life you can, letting them go, finding out that you have prostate cancer and that people are going to stick a finger in your anus every year from now on, getting Alzheimer’s disease…) are totally uncorrelated to arbitrary legal numbers.

About a month ago, I have left Paris for Grenoble, a very nice city in the south-east of France. Like Uppsala, it falls in the sweet spot of city size and population density as far as I am concerned : you have enough people around to enjoy a very comfortable access to services, including those which would hire me (universities, public research labs, high-tech companies…), but the place remains small enough to go around by bike, and not so densely packed as to have crazy rents and cars roaming everywhere. A good public transportation network also helps with the latter.

This is not to say that the place is perfect, though. First the city, as a whole, very ugly, which does not matter much to the labrat that I am but does have some importance for my girlfriend. Neighbouring mountains compensate for it to some extent, though. Second, due to a combination of geographical morphology (the aforementioned mountains) and flawed urban planning, the place reaches pretty high levels of pollution, which means that I am going to experience random allergic conditions and very hot summers, neither of which I like much.

As a whole, though, I really like that place, and would gladly stay a few years there for a PhD. Will probably have to trade my small flat for another small flat at some point, though, since PhDs are not necessarily considered to be eligible to student housing. But it doesn’t matter so much, since I now pretty much get how flat rental works. Once that is okay, the only issue left is to move stuff around, which can be done with big bags and lots of patience.

Boring health issues

Overall, it feels like I am in one of the most awesome parts of my life. Got a nice place to live, a cool job (low temperature physics is a lot like mad science, but without some of the drawbacks), and even an induction plate which is pretty much the paramount of human advance in heating edible stuff. There’s one little problem, though, which prevents me from enjoying it properly : constant, heavy, and inescapable fatigue. And I don’t know where it comes from.

When I wake up, I feel often barely less tired than when I went to sleep. The main difference is that I cannot sleep anymore. It’s not as if I slept too little either : as far as I know, 8h-9h is plenty for an adult. And yet I often barely manage to think straight in the morning, and it can get worse during the day. There are days where I can barely concentrate on something a bit boring for 5 to 10 minutes before giving up and randomly browsing the web (which is what I spontaneously start to do when I am mentally dead). At times, I simply feel like I don’t know what to do, because every task which I know I have to do feels unbearably difficult. Sometimes, I feel so much like a zombie that even focusing my (hurting) eyes on something requires conscious effort.

In the event where I actually manage to get myself to work on something, this fatigue problem can act the reverse way : I can become so obsessed with whatever it is I am doing that time stops passing in my head. I keep delaying stuff, including such things as eating, going home at the end of the day, or sleeping, which is equally harmful in the long run.

And so, I don’t know what to do. Will try to see a doctor when possible, maybe he will have a better insight on those matters. Anyway, I guess that now is the time to stop writing and trying to get this code working…


One thought on “I got ramblin’ on my mind…

  1. fran April 21, 2012 / 6:43 am

    I relate to your problem with fatique and insomnia.
    I can’t sleep without
    When i was your age the trouble started with insomnia and it gradually got worse.
    Worse to such a degree that I and probably you won’t sleep without a concoction.
    What is a series of trial and error.

    Mine was made worse by anissue for which i have to use opiods for now for about 4 years. So all in all i have to have a good night sleep.
    (That contrary to what people think opiods if you don’t abuse it does not make you sleepy but awake. So this exacerbate my problem)

    I share with you my current medicines and hope it will help you to.

    Amitriptyline. A very old and cheap prescription medicine. Though the best imo.
    Use low dosages. 12.5-25mg before you go to sleep.
    Currently i use half of a 25mg tablet which i bite through in the middle.

    Also a cheap prescription medicine.
    This work out of your system in two hours. This has a dramatic effect the first few times you take it.
    This even out with time though.
    It works very good, especially in the beginning.

    With me the Zolpidem make me asleep and the Trepiline keep me asleep for 7 hours.
    Yet i am never tripping or zombie like.

    Then i use over the counter Melatonin.
    My doctor has prescribed a new medicine that stimulate it’s release. (Will try to get the name for you) I have not used it yet and chose to use Melatonin itself.

    Other things i do is to eat some carbs before bedtime and make a hot drink with milk.
    Drink my vitamins (Vit B and magnesium esp. help with sleep)

    Insomnia is terrible. It will break you down and i hope you find something that helps for you.

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